7.27.05 - Love is in the air...but here comes the bride?

Note- I don't want to offend anyone with the tone of this email. Everyone makes their own choices/decisions in life that I perfectly respect. This is just purely my thoughts, reactions to a rather awkward situation....so read on.

I had such a great time hanging out with the 3 families of Soukhari's and their extended relatives in Nahle. It was a whirlwind 3 day/ 2 night (although they were pushing for one entire week!!) These were all such lovely people and we'd had such great fun until "the incident" (read on). The attention was all a bit overwhelming: Deanna, Deanna, Michael, Michael...everyone was keeping tabs on us. But I will never forget hanging out with the family down in the valley by the river...swimming (fully clothed of course but shocked them all with the biggest cannonball EVER!!), eating, trying to talk to one another, singing and dancing (one of these days I'll be able to do the dabke blindfolded and keep up with the grandmother!). We even went on a walk around town which should only take a couple minutes - but if you walk really slowly, as is their custom, you can draw it out for a good 20-30 minutes. MC and I would quicken the pace and get quietly reprimanded. All in all I felt like the entire visit consisted of tremendous generosity and such love.

Such a pristine part of the world and introduced by some people who honestly truly love it! It was great to be able to drink crystal clear water right from the stream (and I didn't even get sick) and eat apricots, plums, peaches and apples right from the trees!!! The Soukhari's are a rather large family - brothers married sisters and all stayed very close together. They seem to summer in Nahle and winter in Beirut. They aren't very rich but they are happy and enjoy life. We're talking at least 3 families of 5+ children in homes that aren't palatial by any stretch of the imagination. But they all seemingly live together in harmony...probably because they can sleep through anything. At the end of the night they just seem to pick a spot to sleep and off they go. This may have been because we displaced some people - but Michael slept on the porch and I shared the Zahara's parent's bedroom with her.

We were fed straight through from the moment we arrived to the moment we left. We talked and talked and talked. We looked at photos and once again mine came in handy!!! We chatted about weddings (there was method in their madness it seemed), discussed dressing me up and painting my face in the traditional Lebanese (Bedawi) wedding makeup...it was basically girl talk and what much of the women's lives focused on. It was this high point of their lives...that and taking good care of the kids, the home and their husbands. I can understand that they take great pride in this event...I suppose much people do back home. But here people seem to thrive on the experience...but that might also have been for our/ my benefit. We looked at gold jewellery received as wedding presents and even watched one wedding videos. The girls all seemed particularly generous and I had to careful about giving any compliments because before I knew it I'd have a new ring, lipgloss, etc. Such generous people.

basically after a night of eating and dancing with the family and their extended relatives I was approached the following morning by two family representatives....apparently after a matter of only 12 hours (and seeing me dancing around in the wedding dress that I was coerced in to wearing at one point....and no, these people do not drink alcohol)...and some of those were of course spent sleeping....the 22 year old, Lebanese army soldier had fallen hopelessly in love with me...and here, sitting in the locked, reserved for special occasions, sitting room for the first of many "private", translated sessions his father was asking if I would like to become engaged. This explained why there was a parade of relatives through the house early that morning and why people kept looking at me, turning to other relatives and nodding. But what's funny is that they honestly knew nothing about me...other than what the family members who I was familiar with might have divulged. In any case, Ali, the father and one of kindest men in the world, wanted me to call my parents so that they could formally ask for my hand in marriage! (I told them that I am in charge of myself and my decisions but they seemed to think that they could convince my parents to marry me off!!) Of course I'd be given $1000 worth of gold as the engagement present with more gold to come...and I could come and go from Lebanon as I pleased. But would I be willing to hang out in Nahle (teeny, tiny town - gorgeous but very limited on the job/ opportunity front but I guess that wouldn't matter) with the "women" while he's in Beirut for his 6 days of service each week. I think he later said something like I'd stay in his family home with the women and "clean" while he was in Beirut. Oh my goodness....I don't think fast on my feet and knew that there were 2 more days left with these people - how to be diplomatic and not hurt anyones feelings. When they had asked if I could marry a Lebanese man, and I jokingly responded "sure why not" I was thinking of the filthy rich business man turned politician, Saad Hariri, who was just interviewed on CNN!!!

So I thanked Ali and the other family representative, told them I was flattered and SURPRISED....but explained that I hardly knew...what was his name?....oh yes, Hassan....and that's not how things worked back home in "Canada." First you get to know the person and then you decide if you meet the family/ want to get engaged....then of course there was the age difference, the religious differences, the fact that I hire people to clean my house (although I didn't mention that)....I tried to come up with everything without being too harsh. But they had answers for everything and you know what? maybe I do think too much! ;) In any case this line of questioning just bought me more time until the next "hard sell" came to fetch me and "discuss" the benefits of Hassan who's quite lovely, but basically who's English is too limited to really understand me and all the nuances/ hard facts that any relationship with me would represent. Maybe I should find some reference? I tried to explain as well that I'd had many many many boyfriends...and even one waiting back home....but they felt terribly strongly that they needed to speak up. I think I have an ulcer. I was showered with gifts and notes...they love writing notes. And everyone expressed their feelings as best they could - which basically amounted to "I love you Deanna/ Diana."

We managed to get through that day which consisted of going a couple outings in the car with Hassan, Hassan's sister, MC, Taagreed and Mouna. I was actually thankful to have the company on these occasions. At one point I leaned over and said, thinking I'd found the weak link, "You realize I'm 33 and have driving for as long as Taagreed (his cousin who's 5 years younger than him) has been alive!?" and "I don't even know you...you just SAW me last night...we didn't even talk!!" He honestly seemed shocked with the first comment but unfazed by the latter. I guess getting engaged is just the term used for "going steady" but you give your commitment to protect the woman's honor by gifting jewellery. So I played it as cool as I could - proved I could swim with the boys at the pool (literally - the neither of the 3 other women present could swim) and even beat Hassan swimming one lap. If that doesn't break the deal what will? Next on the agenda another drive around Nahle before dressing me up in the traditional Lebanese wedding attire. Now I was all excited about doing this BEFORE I was the target of someones affections - but know the thought really made me ill. Needless to say I had no say in the matter. I sat there and got made up while everyone ooh'ed and aah'ed - I think they were just excited to see me with makeup. I just kept saying..."This is just for fun!!!" and asking Taagreed to make sure everyone was indeed aware of this fact. I didn't want any surprises as we were heading to the prospective "in-laws" for dinner (I had actually been to tour their house earlier in the day...a presentation I guess of what could be mine...and what square-footage I'd be expected to clean once in the fam!). I thought Hassan's mother was going to cry when I arrived made up and veiled and myself as well. But did my best to be flighty and headed everyone off at the pass by saying I didn't want to ruin this night - our last night - by focusing on something that might never happen. I raised the concerns again and added that the facts that we couldn't even really talk together and that I want to work for a living - some food for thought - overall just wanted to have fun with everyone. And we did. We had a blast. We danced and danced...I received many more notes, gifts and talks with Hassan...and ate the best meal ever...sitting out on their deck under the stars...with the moon rising over the mountains and illuminating the valley.

Gosh - everyone reading this must think I'm a total coward - but you have to understand the situation I was in. I tried to make light of a rather difficult situation. I tried to get them to come to their own conclusions... I didn't want to burn bridges with the families and wanted to find a conclusion to things that wasn't so emotionally heated. Everyone was very impassioned. I'm hoping that with a few days things will cool off. The "loud, blond, Western girl" factor would have worn off. And I will simply fade away from the "love" radar...while still keeping close with the family and especially Taagreed and even Hayat whose getting married next summer and has invited me back. (And of course Hassan's family would love to host me at Christmas...but I reminded them that I have my own family that I miss very, very much!)

Hassan was off to Beirut today (as were we but at a different time) but not before saying good-bye. Once again another talk - I said we would email but that it would be very difficult and would take a long time to get to know each other. No promises...hopefully he'll find someone else. And in the meantime my life will go on. I'm half expecting that mum and dad will get emails...so please be on the lookout!

Saying good bye was very hard. All the women in tears...including me. A great time was had by all and a new appreciation for the different cultures I think. I asked a lot of questions of the women and continue to be amazed at the lengths they go through to stay "covered". It gave me great joy when Taagreed and Mouna wanted to go to some private corner, or area of the valley, where they could take off their veil, wear regular clothes and take some photos. Or when the other women would show me photos of them with their veils off. I felt part of their world but wanting more for them as well.

After we'd packed up all our belongings (including all the new gifts, a huge jar of apricot jam, a large bag of peaches/ apricots...and even a few bags of chips from their convenience store) and bid adieu Ali took us on a scenic drive to the bus stop (accompanied by Taagreed and Mouna) that included a drive by the apartment building that he owns as well as the "party hall" where they like to host wedding parties. I got full disclosure. We even stopped in at a beauty store where he insisted on buying something for both MC and myself. I tried to find the smallest items possible and was able to pass on the more expensive perfume. All so generous but so very overwhelming. He got us on a bus and I stood there in tears with his and Ali as we said good-bye. It was honestly more difficult to leave the house with all the kinds and the parents in the garden and standing on the porches...waving good-bye. Such love!!! I honestly don't think I could've handled that amount of attention that much longer but I can't complain. There are far worse things in this world than too many people wanting to be with you.

So to new friends...who make me miss the old!
Love D

7.24.05 - A night out with the family - all fun and games even after the events of the night before!!

Just a quick note. We did in fact walk by the scene of the blast. On the way however we stopped to pick up some morning sustenance and ran in to two young women who live in the area. They asked if we'd been near the blast the previous evening. One of them, currently living in Oregon but visiting family in Beirut for the summer, was shaken by the experience but the other was completely unfazed. She figured life would be back to normal and we could probably eat a restaurant on the same street as the explosion that same evening. And when we walked up it seemed pretty much business as usual but the neighbourhood was all a chatter and seemed to be telling each other of their own personal experience. There was glass all over - glass had been of course blown out at street level but also in all the surrounding buildings and apartment buildings --- all the way up. The police had lined the street, the car had been cleared but this was an obvious site of an explosion. But cars continued to roll down the street...over the glass. It was very eery and a little sick that we walked down there...but I at least just needed to see it. (I subsequently had terrible dreams involving car bombs last night....) It's amazing what this country has experienced and continues to experience and yet for the most part life goes on...

Spent a fabulous time last evening at a local amusement park withour adopted family. I loved watching the 17 year old girl hop right up on a "toy" bucking bull (like you see in bars), just like in a movie, hop right up from behind with a nice jump off the inflatable cushion that surrounded it....all the while veiled....and hang on for much longer than I ever could!!!

Another highlight of the my evening was watching the younger women (Taagreed and Mouna) prepare for our night out. Covering up takes up lots of time and energy...and must be so uncomfortably warm!!! But no complaints...Mouna just kept putting on more white shirts (long sleeved followed by short sleeved or sleeveless) until she'd fully covered the outlines of her bra. I think she had 3 white shirts and before she added a lovely blue shell halther top. It was such a special evening - nothing like some scary rides and some screaming to bridge the language barrier!! ;)

The family thinks we're Canadian living in Toronto...and we're heading back to Baalbeck (HQ of Hezbollah)with them on Monday. I'm half living a lie (MC is really living a lie) but it's too late to tell them I think. We plan on staying 2 nights - they were just so excited...and I have to admit so am I. It's nice to be around a family again...even though it makes me miss mine more! ;) I just wish I could remember all their names...
Hugs
D

7.23.05 - Things happen for a reason....(out of context this sounds horrible - but please read on)

There was a car bomb in Beirut last night. No one died but there are several wounded...and I think many more emotionally upset.
It wasn't close to our hotel but then again, it wasn't very far either. It was a close walk.
It was on a street like any other street that people would flock to on the weekend because of the restaurants and other nightlife.
We were supposed to be on that street last night.
Instead we heard about the explosion from the family who had befriended us. We were sitting outside their apartment in a suburb of Beirut.
(Gosh I just learned of the explosions in Sharm el Sheik, Egypt...what is this world coming too? Between this, the car bomb here and the explosions in London. I just feel sick!!!)
We had met this family on our trip back from Baalbeck. We stayed with them last evening - a decision that I guess saved us from being in Rue Monot or surrounding area when the bomb went off. Things happen for reason...

But for details on the day...
I must say that Baalbeck holds some incredible Roman ruins (colossal columns, beautiful temples, the site of the annual music festival) and also happens to be the seat of the Hezbollah. Apparently it's a softer, gentler Hezbollah that realizes the value of tourism but still...when asked where we were from I've never been so quick to say "Canada." It was mosque Friday and there seemed to be quite a bit of excitement around town when we arrived. At first the excitement sounded like gunfire (and when you see the Hezbollah flag with the automatic weapon you expect just about anything). The sound was rather distracting...but we reasoned that it could also be firecrackers which sounds crazy during the middle of the day, but true.
We ate a lovely lunch and got totally ripped off. No matter how friendly the person seems ALWAYS ask the price of a good or service before it is ordered or delivered to you. This is especially true of food and transportation services!!

Waiting for the bus back to Beirut (2 hour trip) we met up with a very enthusiastic family - all Muslim women except for one men. Needless to say the rest is history. They insisted we go with them otherwise we'd get ripped off and wouldn't let us pay more for the mini-bus than what they paid (LL 3000 - we paid LL4000 on the way there). We had a great time - a couple understood English but only one of the women, Taagreed, could communicate in English and was the full-time translator. She's 17 but so much older than her years. On the drive back they insisted that we come with them...hang out at their house, attend a local wedding party, etc. How could we refuse? We headed with them and found ourselves in the heart of "real life" Beirut complete with images of hardline clerics.... We spent the next 8 hours with this family - they made sure we were well fed and so well taken care of.

After spending the afternoon with approx a dozen people crammed on the deck at Taagreed's home (they spend the summer in the cooler surroundings of Baalbeck and had only come for a couple days to attend the wedding of a family friend and were returning on Monday). Her family and extended "relatives" had such an enjoyable time sitting around - eating and jabbering, watching the young kids and just trying to stay cool.

Eventually I headed off with the women to the wedding. It was supposed to a women's only night (very exciting to be allowed a glimpse into the side of Muslim life where the women shed their scarves and wear their more comfortable clothes...and really let their hair down!) but when we arrived the party was in full swing...both men and women. I felt truly out of place...a fish out of water...and even more awkward when I was told that not everyone in the area thinks kindly of foreigners and that I shouldn't talk to anyone. That was a little freaky...cause it was just so obvious that I didn't fit in. Anyway it was great to be a spectator of such a spectacle. The bride was stunning and there was much celebration and dancing. Off course the digital camera came in handy but when that seemed to eclipse the main event I decided to keep it hidden.

After a couple hours we headed back to the apartment where Michael had been hanging out. Seemed like it'd been a very neighbourly experience. This is when we heard about the bomb and were told that it'd be impossible to get back. Was this true or did they just want us to stay the night (they had repeatedly tried to get us to stay)? We convinced them that it was better we leave but not before confirming and confirming again that we'd be back the today at 5pm (I told them that 9am was just too early!!) The family friend couldn't take us because his car burns the wrong type of fuel...but he headed out to the road to find transport. We made it back...the streets were uncharacteristically quiet...a fact noted by our cab driver. It was such an exciting day but very draining and I was happy to get back to our hotel to the A/C and with access to the TV and news!!!!

This is the third day in Beirut. It's a city that's really undergone a metamorphosis. The downtown, site of much of the wartime devastation, has been rebuilt for the most part - but you do see buildings that are riddled with bullets and completely destroyed by the war. It sounds like there is still quite a lot of turmoil and we'll continue to follow thenews of this bombing...and the news of all the others.

Take care - love
D

7.18.05 - Getting down to Lebanon after some hospitality in Tartus....

Can you believe it's been just over 9 months now? In the last week I've moved from Jordan, to Syria and now I'm in Lebanon!!! After Damascus we traveled east to view the Roman ruins in Palmyra - the scale of this ruined city is quite astounding but still largely in ruins and not nearly as complete as what we had just seen in Jerash, Jordan. But nevertheless it was well worth the trip out there - we arrived in mid afternoon, checked in to hotel and planned to stay a couple days. Ate a bite to eat, got on a bus to tour some tombs (not terribly remarkable - but interesting nonetheless to see how hundreds of bodies would be stacked vertically in columns), drove to the Arab Castle that is perched on a hill overlooking the ruins and the town of Palmyra - as well as giving the perfect vantage of a gorgeous sunset. By the end of dinner we'd figured we'd seen everything there was to see (I know - so blase but true) and while I really wanted to go see the Euphrates (but concerned that apart from that it would be a very uninteresting detour) we headed back west to the coastal town of Tartus.
It was in Tartus (the sight of the only island in Syria - and on our way out there we saw a giant sea tortoise swimming about in the ocean) that we really got to experience Middle Eastern/ Syria hospitality...all because we sat down at a sea side restaurant to watch the sun set. The restaurant owner, Gahzi, called his friend Sam when he saw us walk in. (These guys love their cellphones - in addition to using it as a means of communication they are always playing pranks on one another - and I was in on one of the ruses at one point as well). I get handed a phone and start talking to Sam who is on his way to the restaurant...he used to live in LA, owned several restaurants, etc. So he arrived we chatted with him - while at the same time I also ended up chatting with the people at the table next to me (lovely people on holiday - young and quite well off from what I could gather) - and being offered copious amounts of whiskey in this one man's attempt to woo me...but did I mention that he was just married 2 months ago and spoke not a word of english? He kept saying: "Habibi Deanna" (Deanna my friend) - which was actually fairly entertaining. Seriously - bad news - but great to talk to these people.
Sam was lovely and chatting with him taught us a fair bit about this area - he's actually Lebanese, his family fled Lebanon in 1975 and while he's lived in the US and now in Syria he still thinks of Lebanon as home.
The owner eventually invited us down to his table. Sam speaks Arabic and English. Gahzi speaks Arabic and French. I can talk to Sam and Gahzi but MC can only communicate with Sam and Sam doesn't understand Gahzi and I when we talk...and my French is so rusty I'm almost embarrassed. It's true. It was quite humourous the number of languages of means of communication that was involved. Truly exhausting at times. And this is when we got in the "network" and feared we might never escape the sphere of influence - especially where Gahzi was concerned. His hook ups, friends, suggestions, etc. were all much appreciated and very generous but it got to be where you couldn't get away, think for yourself. The help and attention was much appreciated and feel terrible for "complaining" about the hospitality but it's really weird when people just take control of your life and just become so concerned with your well-being. Again - I shouldn't complain - it's just different that's all.
So as I was saying - Gahzi arranged for us to see Crac de Chevaliers the following day. We met the driver the next day and immediately he gets a call and hands me the phone. It's Gahzi. Is everything ok? He was disappointed we left so soon and had hoped to have breakfast...would we be interested in going to Damascus with him? We may or may not do dinner...etc. So gracious - but seemed almost more of a control thing. Needless to say the visit to the Crusader castle was spectacular - great views...and apart from the high rises it looks, I'm sure, much like it did back in the day that Saladin looked up at the great castle, perched high on the hill and decided not to waste his time...this building was impenetrable. On the way back we drove back through the hills and villages that make up the countryside heading back to the coast. Date trees, olive trees, fruits, vegetables - such lovely fields...it was so relaxing to be treated to a real "tour" and car and not have to worry about missing your stop. Spent another evening at Gahzi's restaurant, went back to Sam's house on the hill along with his brother - a lovely place and the only thing that would make it nicer would be a wife...he's looking but hasn't had much luck. Anyone?

Today we crossed the very contentious Lebanese/Syrian border with Sam and his brother. Thank goodness - they cross so frequently that they know all the officials on both the Syrian and Lebanese side - so we got to have coffee several times with the various border officials - all in fairly high positions. Crossing any border is such an interesting experience but we would have been lost without Sam's help and his Arabic. I'm not exactly sure that what we managed to achieve at the Syrian Immigration and Passport office (I know we got an extension - but I think the request for a multi entry visa fell on deaf ears....actually I know they really didn't understand - the guy in charge spoke limited english...and somehow we managed to express our travel requirements...and we got the extension...and I suppose we could always go back and check the paperwork - but I have no faith in their filing system...either the applications and information was blown away by the fan...or lost in the chaos that was their filing system) in Tartus will help us out on our return. I'll keep you posted.
Upon our arrival we were greeted by lines of trucks held up going from Lebanon to Syria. It's Syria's way of cutting off exports from Lebanon to the rest of the region - particularly the Gulf coast. The trucks can't go through Israel so they are at the mercy of the Syrian government who aren't particularly thrilled about losing their authority in this small country. Syria claims the heightened security to prevent the movement of illegal arms...but in the mean time farmers and truckers are suffering and produce is rotting. The export tax via ships has been dropped but it's still quite costly to traverse the Suez Canal. And even some airlines have dropped their freight costs - but all are really just too cost prohibitive. A strike is being planned. Meanwhile a gun battle broke out yesterday through the area we just travelled over fishing rights. Apparently Syrian and Lebanese use to "share" the fishing grounds in the border area - but this appears to no longer be the case. And thus the gun battle.
It's again an interesting time to be in this region - so much news to follow and I have to say it means to much more being in the thick of it. I'm just hoping it doesn't get too thick while we're in the Lebanon over the next week or so.


Sorry for the ramble but thanks for listening...
If interesting in learning more about the various faces of the Israeli/ Palestinian conflict (and the various internal struggles within each) check out www.bitterlemons.org

7.13.05 - Rub a dub dub

But here's just a little story to make you laugh - a story of my recent adventure to the hamman (turkish bath) - it's "Ladies Day" on Tuesday and Wednesday at the hammam near our hotel and so I headed there yesterday to get all scrubby clean. I had had such an amazing hammam experience the last time - when I was in Turkey and paid top dollar to be scrubbed, massaged and very pampered at one of the top hotels in Istanbul. Well this was not quite the same experience that I paid so lavishly for when I was in Istanbul at the Kempinski the last time. The "public" hamman is quite a different experience (and so much cheaper) but to summarize the experience I was basically told to strip down - walk around the facilities nearly naked ...led around by a rather large woman wearing a wet, and very see through white slip. She'd grunt and point in a general direction...in which case I'd go, sit in the sauna, until she summoned me and grunted in the direction to the "wet room" where I had to work my way up close to a wash basin to "soak up" - much to the dismay of the group of women who'd appropriated this particular basin for themselves. So to make a long story short I was told to lay on the floor (did I mention that the women...along with their children would make the day of it at the hammam which included eating, drinking and smoking...some of which were seen floating by on the floor...nice!) while the woman in the see through slip scrubbed me with the loofa and soap I had to purchase....which were both immediately re-appropriated by the women who bullied me at the wash basin. Now I don't know about you but I'm not about to ask for a used loofah back...what with all their bits of skin (and let's not forget mine!!) all worked in to the fibers of that rather personal cleaning/washing "tool". So as soon as the scrubbing and massaging (and this latter was a stretch...there was really nothing kneaded or massaged at all) I got my scantily clad self out of there. Probably the quickest trip to the hammam that this group had seen in a while - but it's such a social thing and with no one to talk to...and frankly just basically intimidated chatting to half-naked/ naked strangers (being the prudish North American that I am) I didn't have any reason to "hang out" any more than I already had.

7.12.05 - Into Syria....

Can you believe it? I'm actually in Damascus, SYRIA!!!! Starting at the border and featured in most business establishments and on outdoor billboards are images of Asaad Jr. as well as the former Asaad Sr. Throughout the Middle East you are constantly reminded of who's in charge!
The border crossing from Jordan to Syria even involved a bit more excitement in the form of a bribe to the Syrian border official to avoid any car search (we were in a shared taxi with a couple Jordanian men who had basically bought more than their fair share of Duty Free cigarettes and what they hadn't smoked between the Jordanian and Syrian borders they weren't willing to give up). Our fellow travellers were quick to point out that this was the way to get things done - and we proceeded to watch a continuous exchange of cash between truck drivers and border officials as they passed through this particular "check point." I'm sure if I tried that I'd end up in jail...I'm just not that saavy. In any case this place is so surreal. We're finally in a country that's honestly doesn't seem to fond of American foreign policy (Egypt and Jordan...and of course Israel all pretty much follow along or tend not to ruffle feathers...at least most recently) The Syrian News paper is a riot (the US is evil for supporting the wars and the killing of the innocent in Afghanistan and Iraq...and even more hated for our support of Israel's agenda and our lack, along with the international community headed by the UN, of criticism of Israel's treatment of Arabs. It is an interesting point....)...just about as good as the Jerusalem Post that kept me entertained the 6 days we were there. Although I suppose there is not such thing as unbiased reporting.... In anycase I'm just so incredibly thrilled right now and amazed that we just passed the 9 month mark!!!

I'm actually running around town today in a sleeveless top - since laundry was an absolute must (and try as I might I just can't seem to get it super scrubby clean on my own...I think I'm too worried about breaking the nails I finally managed to grow back after being a complete wreak at the end of the India journey!!!) I had to resort to such scandalous wear. Got extra use out of it going to the Immigration office to inquire about getting an extension/ multiple entry visa so that we could visit Lebanon and return back through the country on our way to Turkey. You'd think that'd be easy and since we'd already paid $125 for our original visa it should just be a nomical fee. Well apparently they believe in an eye for an eye and we were basically told that we'd have to pay $125 again for another visa...so basically, screw you!!! They kept going on about how that's how they'd be treated upon entering the States. Yep - no hugs and kisses there...and Michael and I joked that they wouldn't even be let in to the country.

But other than that encounter most people here seem quite friendly. Walking the souq (market) is great fun - and the ice creams are divine!!! Fortunately a woman was kind enough to help me order the most heavenly vanilla ice cream dipped in pistachios...without her I would've been lost. And there are so many other helpful, friendly people on the streets....we'll be in Damascus a few more days before heading out to a couple more places in Syria.

The hotel we're staying at is on a nice quiet side street and had a nice neighbourhood feel. We chatted with the local baker turned importer of Chinese manufactured airconditioning units last night - apparently diversifying the family business!!! Since arriving in the Middle East I am becoming accustom to supplying my own towel and toiled paper - and most recently sharing toilet and shower rooms. It's actually not so bad - but 9 months ago it would have been the end of the world - especially if told that the shared toilet was actually of the squatting/ turkish kind. Fortunately I've gained (over time mind you) increased flexibility in my knees. But in this instance what goes down must also come up and from time to time I still have difficulty standing up!!! May be too much detail - but I find it too terribly humourous - I guess that's what happens when one turns 33!!! :)

As much as I love the food I think I can honestly say that I will soon tire of the falafel, shawarma, meat, rice, etc. This is a good thing!!! I still have to fit in to the clothes I had made in Vietam...I think I mentioned that previously - but it's so true!!!

Hugs to all!!
Love D

7.10.05 - Good bye Jerusalem and hello cigarettes and cell phones!

After 6 days of taking in all that there was to see and do in Old and New Jerusalem it was time to say good-bye to the synagogues, churches, cathedrals, mosques, the church bells, prayer calls, the multitudes of people in various forms of religious dress, the anti-disengagement protestors...and all the diversity and controversy that has made this such a fascinating part of the world for so many thousands of years.
We actually spent one of the last evenings chatting with some younger guys (early 20s) Americans of Jewish heritage (Ovi and Elliot) who were within days of starting their military service...voluntarily. It all seems quite scary with the ongoing clashes with the Palestinians (once the ceasefire ends), the current clashes with anti-disengagement supporters (hopefully these guys will be too busy with basic training by the time disengagement is completed by August 15th) and the resurgence of conflicts along the Lebanese border....does that cover everthing, I think not....and I'm sure I'm not even addressing the issues properly. (That seemed to be the problem having not been completely schooled in the myriad of issues at hand - having only a US Today vision of that part of the world. I'd like to think...that while I won't be reporting for The Economist I do have a better grasp of regional issues and concerns...at least today!) It all sounded like a pretty scary thing to sign up for but demonstrated their belief and support for Israel and they felt a higher calling to serving that country than their own. Although I suppose serving in the American military at this point is equally scary.
Jerusalem really left me speechless. Having visited all the religious sites in the Old City, experienced the more cosmopolitan West Jerusalem (the restaurants and pubs in the Russian Compound area...even the Jerusalem Mall), made a sobering visit out to Yad Vashem (the Holocaust museum is definitely worth the visit and one should set aside several hours to tour everything...we unfortunately ran out of time and were herded through the later exhibits), and surprisingly witnessing the fireworks from our hostel to celebrate the joint Canada Day/ 4th of July (I swear...almost everyone in our hostel hit the floor...that was honestly my first reaction when I heard the start of the fireworks in the park adjacent to the Old City - it sounds like gun fire!!)...I honestly was sad to leave Jerusalem. Being there just really got me thinking - there are no easy answers. I felt badly for the Palestinians who weren't allowed to travel freely...I was irritated by the Orthodox Jews who weren't afraid to voice their opinion but were unwilling to defend their country leaving it's destiny in the hands of God (all religions seem to have certain elemens of that though, right?), I was nervous riding public transit, I was more nervous walking up the Mt. of Olives and being harrassed by young boys as I reached the top, I got irritated that women have limited liberties (especially in public) across so many religions, etc..... I honestly don't want to offend anyone and these are just observations...and there are many more that I could illustrate. I love reading the newspaper - according to the Jerusalem Post Israel holds the key to abolish corruption, poverty and all the other ills in Africa (ie. Israel broke the yoke of colonialism and established a democratic, economically successful country, etc.) as well as the fact that the citizens of Britain could now understand what it's like to live in Israel (hmmm...wait...hasn't England had to "deal" with the IRA in decades past). I suppose it's much like reading the US papers, right?
Well enough of those observations and I'd love to chat more about what I've seen upon my return. I'm really trying to find answers and understand the full complexity of these and so many other issues.

We made it back to Jordan where the highlights have been:
1) Bobbing like a cork in the Dead Sea - the lowest point on the earth at 400m below sea level. (It's the weirdest feeling. The water looks normal but it's not. Seriously - you can stand up right and float about 12 inches off the bottom of the water. It's also hard to put your legs and feet down once you're floating. The water tastes awful - like the salt lake water in Siwa. The water is surprisingly clear albeit with a film of oil. The black mud is supposed to be therapeutic so I did indeed rub it all over myself...so far nothing...)

2) Getting my hair done (cut and color - way overdue!!!) in the swanky suburb of Abdoun (after treating ourselves to a viewing of War of the Worlds. I'm not a big Tom Cruise fan, especially most recently, but it's quite good). They finally chopped off my hair - it feels great. Very few people spoke English but that's the great thing about magazines!! The salon was packed with wealthy Jordanian young women all getting their hair blown out. It was like a factory...but one packed with cigarettes and cell phones. This region in particular - cigarettes and cell phones. All in all it was a great afternoon of people watching.

3) Today it was off to the Roman ruins of Jerash. An amazingly "preserved"/ recreated/ excavated city just north of Amman. It's like walking through an real Roman City - complete with the original street paving stones that still show the wear from the chariots that once rode up and down the streets. Of course the big adventure was in getting there and coming back using basic public transport. It's the cheapest way to get around. Not always the easiest - somedays you'll get ripped off (like our trip to the Dead Sea) but we're not talking huge sums of money...but nevertheless irritating to be charged the "foreigner rate". On the way to Jerash we took a service taxi (cheap taxi where you crowd in a with up to 4 total passengers and the taxi takes you to a designated location - in this instance the Abdali bus station) and a bus. On our return we took 3 buses and a service. Piece of advice - just keep asking around and someone will certainly show you the way. Don't be shy!!!

I've enjoyed the sites around Jordan and generally the Jordanian people...until you have to engage in some sort of business dealings. In this case they're more than likely going to try ripping you off. That's honestly been our recent experience. Fortunately I've learned to read Arabic numbers which is something of a help - but when you can't speak the native language you're automatically at a disadvantage. One tip off is if there's some side conversation that you're obviously not privvy to not being an native speaker. Then you know something's up.

I picked up a keffiyah scarf that you see worn by so many men in this area. A perfect reminder of the trip. I was reluctant to purchase anything in Jerusalem fearing the Syrian border officials might be trained in spotting that stuff (call me overly paranoid) but I have tucked away a few sheckels to keep in my coin collection.

We're off to Syria tomorrow but I can't part without saying how shocked I was to learn of the bombings in London. It was truly very scary to see terror strike again at the heart of a major city...attacking truly innocent people. It's the fear to go about your daily life that is the scariest thing of all. Both Londoners and Israelis/ Palestinians have lived with that for years but each new event is just another reminder to watch out. My thoughts and prayers are with those who've los loved ones and for the others who are still hopefully and still looking.

Take care and be safe!
Love D

7.6.05 - We made it to Jerusalem but please don't let the Syrian and Lebanese border officials know!!!

We made in to Jerusalem. The trip and border crossing from Amman to Jerusalem (approx. 70km apart) took 4 hours. Apart from some "operational hold ups" (the order of the buses going from one border to the other, waiting to receive our scanned luggage and proceeding through the line up where we'd be "bumped" periodically by "VIPs" who paid $80 to expedite the border crossing process) it honestly wasn't too bad. The line of questioning from the young border officials (I believe they were Israelis fulfilling their 2-3 years of military service) was likely no different from the "grilling" foreigners must get at US immigration nowadays! (or so I hear) Both the Jordanians and Israelis were completely understanding of our desire not to have "stamps" in our passports or evidence that we made this crossing emblazoned in our offical travelling document. This was a huge relief. MC and I received a one week visa - pretty short compared to what others received...but that's probably because we had the Syrian visa in our passport!We fortunately met up with two other travellers, Mike from New Zealand and Barbara from Ireland, who made the waiting a little more entertaining. Upon arrival in Jerusalem we headed for the Old City and figuring the walk couldn't be that far (famous last words) we headed straight through the Muslim market...packed with people which made it a little more difficult with our packs but we managed....managed to miss our turn and ended up clear at the other end of the Old City that is!!! One can only laugh. It was a good tour of the Old City and we realized that it really isn't that big. But we still had to get to our hostel and the bags were getting heavy...Barbara was even towing along several Biology textbooks since she was studying for exams!!! But we persevered and finally made it with great delight to the Petra Hostel. We're staying in one of the most expensive rooms without a private bath that we've had to date but it's so worth it...as you'll read a little later on.

We walked the rampart walls of the Old City this morning and we're currently in the midst of doing the Via Dolorosa "tour" with MC and stopped to check internet - I think I might add it as station 8b....Jesus checked his email! ;)

So much to do - we're staying in the Old City at Jaffa Gate in a room with balconies - a great place to people watch and there's so much of that to do here!! I've been buying provisions and preparing breakfast in the morning in a common room that looks out over the Church of the Holy Sepulchre (I'm told the most sacred church in all of Christendom), the Lutheran Church of the Redeemer (I'm told it's the largest Protestant Church in the Middle East) and Temple Mount. Spectacular!! And with plans for disengagement the city is a buzz with opinion and Israelis don't seem to be ones to hold back when they have something to say. Orange ribbons are worn by those opposed to disengagement, blue/ white ribbons by those who are for the plan. I've noticed many more orange ribbons which will make for a very interesting time next month with August 17th as the proposed date for the removal of settlers from the Gaza Strip. So many sacred sites for Christians, Jews and Muslims - so much history and current events and so much controversy. I want to learn more but where to begin? I've been on a couple tours but it's information overload. I just wish I had professors of history, religion, philosophy, archeology, etc. in tow with me every where I go!!

Despite warnings we did take public transportation...to get to the Jerusalem Mall where we caught the afternoon showing of Batman Begins. I have to admit the ride was a bit nerve-wracking, I'd seen numerous images of these exact buses blown up over the years but there appear to be security guards at all the bus stops (there are in fact security guards/ police officers everywhere doing more visual checks than real thorough checks (but I suppose that all depends on what you look like!)...several even knocked on the door of our hotel room and requested to see our passports. When plainclothed men with guns knock at your door and ask to see your identification it's a bit scary. I immediately questioned their legitimacy - but they weren't terribly amused...and so I turned over my ID. Happy though that MC was also in the room to "back me up" should things go awry!)

I'm dying to write in my journal but fear the ramifications should Syrian or Lebanese border official go snooping as I've heard they are prone to do. For this reason we have to make sure we dump all our sheckels (what a funny name for a currency - it makes me laugh all the time!!), make no notes in our guidebooks (which we both love doing) and have nothing that would suggest we were in Jerusalem (so I guess I won't be buying the shirt that reads "Don't worry America, Israel's got your back" with a fighter jet on it). But believe me there's plenty to buy. The Old City streets are lined with souvenir shops - but fortunately the hassle level is relatively low. I haven't done much looking as I'm usually focused on making it up or down the many stairways that are the fixture in the Old City. I'm just so amazed with everything this town has to offer and I strongly recommend a trip here. In the meantime we'll watch history in the making as the settlers pull out of the occupied territories in the month ahead. This region/ city, with all the conquests, re-conquests, conversions, etc. seems to be in a state of permanent flucuation, the place of "history in the making" - not a new phenomenon after several thousand years!

We'll be leaving for Jordan before sundown on Friday, the start of Shabbat, when the country comes to a virtual standstill.

7.2.05 - After 3 weeks in Egypt we've finally made our way to Petra

OK OK - it's been awhile so let me try to re-cap what's taken place in the last couple weeks. Between limited internet access and just tons of stuff to see and do time has really gotten away from me. I'm actually sitting here in a smoke filled internet cafe in Amman, Jordan. (Everyone smokes EVERYWHERE!!!) So let the tale begin....

The rest of Egypt was far more relaxing with far fewer official sights on the agenda. Don't get me wrong - Aswan, Abu Simbel, Luxor, Cairo - all stunning and completely overwhelming when you realize the timeline you're dealing with but after a while you want a little down time.
For that we headed west to the desert oasis town of Siwa. A place like no other - climb to the top of the Shila, the highest point in the city (once a mud fortress which has since "melted away" (that is literally what it looks like...a sand castle collapsing as the tide rolls in) in the not to frequent rains that sometimes hit this town) and you really get to see what an oasis looks like. A small area of date palm trees and other vegetatation but beyond that it's sand for as far as the eye can see. We ventured out on a desert tour complete with a dip in a fresh water spring (so very refreshing) as well as a the salt water lake. Do not let that water get in your eyes. It was a good learning as we prepare to hit the Dead Sea! We drove through the sand dunes with our driver and his two young kids who added a little color to the day. And speaking of color - we were able to enjoy another spectacular sunset over sand dunes. Siwa was interesting as well because it's so small everyone in the town seemed to know how many tourists there were at any given time. At the "peak" we were one of possibly a dozen. The main mode of transport seemed to be the donkey carts commandeered by the youngest boys. It was a sight to see them driving up and down the streets transporting the women of the town who are accustom to travel outdoors completely draped in a black shawl. It has to be so hot, uncomfortable and not to mention hard to see.
I did have a tiny opportunity to "interact" directly with these women. Upon leaving Siwa we boarded a bus to Alexandria. On this bus were many younger families including several women who remained fully draped throughout the journey...until we reached a "rest stop" in the middle of the desert. After all the men had descending the women lifted their veils. Sweat was dripping down their faces (and we were even in an air conditioned bus!) and the eye makeup was smeared. Each one took a few moments to "freshen up" before just sitting back and enjoying a real breath of fresh air (the bus driver actually left the bus running and the AC on - very considerate!!). I could just see the relief in their faces...but they didn't speak among themselves. I tried offering a cookie to the woman across the way but she declined and shook her finger at me. I don't think anything was meant by it... I enjoyed sitting on the bus and just observing this very "private" moment. MC boarded the bus for a moment and the women immediately covered up. After I explained what was going on he immediately got off to give them women some more breathing space. The minutes passed by and I just thought about how different my life is. I wish I could talk to them, understand how they view our culture, their culture, their traditions, our traditions. I don't want to say my way is better than theirs but it certainly seems more liberating...a breath of fresh air by comparison.

We spent a couple days in Alexandria enjoying the cool breezes off the Mediterranean and mixing with Egyptians in one of their vacation spots. I guess it's a destination for many Cairenes who want to escape the hot city for a few days. It was an absolute delight to walk the streets without the hassle of touts - everyone going about their own business. We spent some time walking along the "corniche" the follows the shore, stopping in at a few beaches and watching people frolic in the water. I was absolutely captivated watching a women fully veiled (face covered) splashing around in the water. I have no idea how she kept the many layers of fabric in place but she didn't seem to mind. I think I have a photo that you might be able to see in the not to distant future.

After the rest in Alexandria it was time to head to St. Katherine's Monastery and Mt. Sinai and follow in the footsteps of the famous biblical mountaineer, Moses. We arrived late but were able to catch a few hours of rest at a bedouin "camp" before rising at 2:30am to start our ascent in time for sunrise. It was a little chilly but soon we were moving and that was no longer a concern. Fortunately the moon was bright which helped us find our way up the camel path (the darkness made it impractical to climb the 3700+ "Steps of Repentence") that meanders up the side of the mountain. It was a very peaceful climb and it felt like we were the only tourists heading up there. We would of course pass the bedouin/ camel master who'd offer us trips to the top. Every time they asked I would have to ask myself..."What would Moses do?" He wouldn't take the easy way out...so neither will I! But that of course did not cross the minds of the several dozen tourists who met us up towards the top...they had indeed taken the early morning camel "taxi" and had found spots on the rocks to watch the spectacle. And what a spectacle it was. The color of the sun hitting the rocks was breathtaking - it really did "paint" the picture. All around Mt. Sinai is rock - but the sun cast the perfect colors and shadows...that kept changing as the position of the sun changed. We sat up there for a bit and chatted with our new friend Sam from Australia before making the descent...this time we decided to take the Steps of Repentence. At first I thought it'd be less repentant taking the steps down but in actuality it was really quite challenging physically and mentally. "Steps" is really a generous term assigned to this path up/ down the mountain. Large boulders aligned to seemingly look like steps...that in some places disappear altogether...well you get the picture. It was a lot of work and got me thinking about so many things - particularly life and death! ;) As well as how a propos the 10 Commandments still seem to be across all races and religions. I had joked about coming up with some "modern day" Commandments but I think the originals cover all the bases! (See Steve Job's Convocation Speech at the end of this blog entry - I might like to add one: Maximize each and every day and enjoy the life you live!)

No rest for the weary. The monastery was closed on Sunday so unfortunately I didn't get to see first hand the "burning bush" - actually is a supposed descendant of the actually burning bush where God revealed himself to Moses. But with so little to do in St. Catherine's, the temperature rising and anxious to get a move on it - we left that same afternoon for Dahab, the chilled, laid back town on the Red Sea. We spent 3 glorious days there - relaxing, snorkelling ( I should've gone diving but just didn't feel right and didn't want to invest the time needed to work my way up to doing the real exciting dives in the area. I hope to go back on a real diving holiday!) and even having a great afternoon doing our own laundry!!! I'm either getting really good at the washing and scrubbing or my standards have really sunk...but I'm afraid it's the latter of the two!

Before I knew it was time to make a border crossing. This is the painfully long border crossing between Egypt and Jordan. The 3 hour ferry ride is a breeze - it's the 3 hours waiting to depart (I believe the official were busy processing all 1000 passports...and with many Egyptians heading to Jordan to seek work illegally this has become a painfully slow process) and almost 2 hours waiting to get off the boat. It was the waiting to get off the boat that was the most painful. Someone had our passports, we were told to wait and that's what we did. I started talking to a fellow American which provided some entertainment during that wait as well as throughout our drive to Petra...or Petrus as he preferred to call it. At first I felt sorry for the high school teacher from Northern California who had flown to Spain, travelled to Morocco, arrived at the Algerian border with no visa and was shocked that they wouldn't let him in (he'd gone there cause he'd wanted to buy one of "those knives" - not quite sure what sort of knife he was talking about...), headed to Egypt to dive...all that in about one week! He wasn't exactly sure where he was on a map or where he was going. He'd heard Petrus was cool and thought why not. I have to give him credit for just venturing out of the USA but I'm not sure what sort of ambassador he was. He had a great idea of having people write down their life stories (albeit quite abbreviated) in their own language in his notebook. In theory it's a great idea (he would translate or have their prose translated) but I'm not sure it was executed properly. I really wanted to read a couple stories but didn't have the heart to ask. I thought for sure he'd hit up our taxi driver. He tried to engage him with conversation starters like: "What religion are you? Catholic? Protestant? Muslim?...." and as we passed the area where Egypt, Israel and Jordan meet "Oh...so that's Israel- do you get along with them?" I almost ripped the skin off MC's arm trying to contain myself. I guess they were honest questions, perhaps I'm afraid to ask questions...perhaps that's the best way to learn...perhaps I'm too worried about offending people with my lack of knowledge so I clam up. I just don't know. All I know is that I'm glad this guy is a health teacher and not a history teacher. Butwho knows - maybe if he keeps asking questions and getting some solid answers he'd be a great history teacher.

What can I say about Petra? FANTASTIQUE!! (For photos: http://www.jordanjubilee.com/gallery/photospet) The approach through the long canyon towards the infamous Treasury/ The Khazneh building is breathtaking. (This is the building featured at the end of "Indiana Jones: The Last Crusade" - it's given a different name and supposed to house the Holy Grail. The only similarity is the external facade...the interior of the Treasury is quite unremarkable.) That might have been because the first morning we were moving so fast trying to reach the sight before the hoards of tourists and tour bus groups! We succeeded and came back even earlier the next day to see the sights again...and make the climb to the Monastery/ al-Deir which is a building also carved in stone but much larger than the Treasury. Spectacular works - and made even more special by the marbled coloring of the rock. I really enjoyed the time spent among those ruins.
Our hotel was located at the top of a mountain - the area around Petra is quite hilly - so the walk home was always a challenge. But one that was spurred on by the desire to eat the most delectable falafel and/ or shwarma sandwich at the Al-Arabi restaurant by our hotel. Simply stunning fare!!! And just enough food to replenish our bodies after a morning of walking and enough food to last us until supper at which point our hotel would put out the biggest buffet. You could sample a little bit of everything including over 20 salads!!! Tasty stuff - but it was much the same from one evening to the next. In any case it was a nice to treat sit outside, fill our bellies while watching the sun set to the sounds of the call to prayer emanating from few mosques in town. Our last night in Petra was spent watching the Indiana Jones movie after dinner. It sent chills up my spine to think - I was just there!!!

Well - that's quite a bit. As I mentioned we're now in Amman getting caught up on internet and other errands. The plan is to head to Jerusalem tomorrow. I'm told the border crossing is quite a long process and one that will be complicated by the appearance of the Syrian visa in our border. We will have to pass the border without getting a Jordanian exit/ entry stamp and no Israeli stamps. Apparently these will be made on a separate piece of paper and the border officials are quite familiar with the process. I hope that's the case when we pass tomorrow. Any indication that we were in Israel will bar us from entering Syria and Lebanon. Please keep your fingers crossed that all goes well. Hope to spend 4-5 days there - I can't wait.

I think that's all I have right now. I feel good, my ankle's been giving me some problems but I can still get around. I honestly feel quite fortunate in so many ways. Thank you for listening!



Also - I may be a little behind the times but I was just sent Steve Job's Convocation Speech that he delivered at Stanford this spring. I'm going to post it here for those who may not have seen it - and as a reminder for myself.


'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says


This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of
Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12,
2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the
finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college.
Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college
graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life.
That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then
stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really
quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed
college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption.
She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates,
so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer
and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last
minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a
waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have
an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My
biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated
from college and that my father had never graduated from high school.
She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few
months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to
college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college
that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class
parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six
months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to
do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it
out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved
their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would
all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it
was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I
could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and
begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the
floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits
to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every
Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I
loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity
and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one
example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy
instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every
label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I
had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided
to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about
serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space
between different letter combinations, about what makes great
typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in
a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life.
But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh
computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac.
It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never
dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never
had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since
Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer
would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never
dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not
have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was
impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college.
But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only
connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots
will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something -
your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let
me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I
started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and
in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a
$2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our
finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just
turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company
you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was
very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so
things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge
and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of
Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out.
What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was
devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had
let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped
the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and
Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a
very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the
valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved what
I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had
been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start
over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple
was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness
of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner
again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the
most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another
company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would
become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer
animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful
animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple
bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at
NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I
have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been
fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the
patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick.
Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going
was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And
that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is
going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly
satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to
do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet,
keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll
know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets
better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find
it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live
each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be
right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33
years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If
today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about
to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days
in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've
ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because
almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of
embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of
death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are
going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you
have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not
to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in
the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't
even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost
certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect
to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go
home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare
to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd
have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to
make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as
possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a
biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my
stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got
a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there,
told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors
started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of
pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and
I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the
closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can
now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a
useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want
to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No
one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is
very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change
agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the
new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually
become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is
quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.
Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other
people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out
your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow
your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly
want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole
Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was
created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo
Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the
late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it
was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was
sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came
along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great
notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth
Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final
issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of
their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road,
the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so
adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."
It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay
Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you
graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.